I think it's a testament to my fish-nerdiness that my friend Sirisha actually apologized to me that she didn't go to the Lisbon Aquarium (they have a Mola!) while she was in Portugal. It's okay, S...I realize that normal people don't plan their vacations around trips to the aquarium (Al and I, on the other hand, usually don't go anywhere unless there are fish, animals, or gays)!

Is anyone else really disappointed in TV this season?  Who's going to be America's Next Top Midget?  Don't really care.  Project Runway?  Blaaaahhhh.  Even 30 Rock kinda sucks.  Top Chef is the only show that's currently generating any anticipation.  I mean, Amy and I both think that Red Beard Santa will win and deserves to win, but I want to see if the Voltaggio brothers finally destroy each other in the end.  Plus, will Jennifer recover?!

     It's a bad time to be a woman.  You know how people complain that there aren't enough TV shows with female protagonists?  Shows like Bad Girls, Bridezilla, Date This Slut, and Real, Useless, Rich Housewives of Various Regions are NOT the answer.

     Our answering machine has been inundated with pre-recorded calls about whom to vote for.  It's funny to listen to two robots talking to each other.

     This Halloween, I have decided to be a good "adult" and stay home and hand out candy to the kinder.  I woke up pretty late (2 PM!) to find that mom had already bought the candy (I was going to go to CVS myself).  She bought Jujy Fruits!  We are obviously dealing with an amateur!  :)
     I slipped out to mail some Netflix movies, dressed as a woman who wears flip flops over white tube socks.  At home, I've been getting less than one family per hour, but there were plenty of little costumed gangs on Broad Avenue.

I have arrived in DC!  I left the house at 12 (I meant to leave at 10 AM, but I overslept due to being sleep-deprived for, I dunno, a MONTH) and arrived at 4PM.  Four hours, no stops, and only a HALF tank of gas used.  Go, Prius!

C, one of the pediatric nurses on the inpatient floor, was walking around holding a book.  She asked me if it belonged to anyone, because she wanted to give it to a patient.  It was "Go Ask Alice," and I asked her if she knew what it was about.  She didn't, so I said, "It's about a girl who's addicted to drugs!"  (Actually, I have never read it, but the synopses I've read online are quite harrowing.)  She laughed and was embarrassed and decided not to give the book to the patient (it might be a good cautionary tale, but it's not something you'd want to read while recuperating from appendicitis or something).
     Jeez, where's Judy Blume when you need her?
     Actually, I have no gauge for what the average preteen/teen should be reading.  Harry Potter?  I was such a dork that in middle school I was reading things like Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice.

I had a lovely time at the ophthalmologist office today (yes, I always have to think very hard when I spell that word).
     My mom actually recommended a doctor that she and dad had gone to.  I was a bit skeptical, but then again, they took my insurance, so I decided to give him a try.  I had always gone to optometrists before, but decided to go to a REAL doctor two years ago.  I figured that my eyesight is SO bad that I needed to go to someone with an MD.  I went to this old guy in Fort Lee and it was fine, except that he dismissed my complaint about my contacts not fitting all the time.
     This new guy was so much better.  First of all, he had this really experienced technician who took most of my history and did some initial tests.  Then, he even spent extra time finding the right prescription.  I actually get a little nervous before going to the eye doctor (though not as nervous as I get before the dentist); I guess it has something to do with how pitiful my eyesight is.  Plus, I get nervous about the whole "which one is better, 1 or 2?" because sometimes I just can't tell!
     Dr. B was great, truly an inspiration to me as a doctor-in-training.  He answered all of my questions and explained everything.  He even offered to help me find a better-fitting lens.  He kept calling me a "myope" (meaning that I'm myopic), which made me giggle inside because I felt like a monster, like a cyclops or something.  I have severe astigmatism, so he brought out the familiar "football-shaped eyes" analogy (I can hear you laughing at me, Al!), but it also turns out that my eyes are flatter than the usual astigmatic eye.  So not only do I have football-shaped eyes, they are DEFLATED footballs.  No wonder I suck at sports.
     He even explained something to me that had been bothering me for a long time: my friend D's mother recently developed retinal detachment and D told me that people with bad astigmatism are at an increased risk.  Dr. B told me about it, unprompted, and told me which signs to look out for.  PLUS, I didn't have to do that test where they puff air into your eyes, which always makes me feel like a rabbit in an experiment.  Afterwards, I treated mom to lunch at East, which was down the road. 
     Truly, a good time was had by all.  WOW, new car and new contact lens prescription!  Watch out world, I'm gonna be an even SAFER driver!

...the words written by a new owner of a dark blue 2010 PRIUS!  I feel like LEONARDO DICAPRIO!  Yeah, I'm bein' green and bangin' models every night.  :)
     Anyway, I have Mr. G (Al's dad) to thank for helping me figure out how to pay for the thing and just being there for the purchase (and also having connections) so that I wouldn't be "conned."  I also have to thank my girl, Al, for renting her dad to me!  It'll be ready within the next week and I'll be driving it to Maryland to test it out.
     Baby's first car!!!

We had just admitted a kid from the PICU, and I saw one of my interns go into his room.  Then I heard, "Doris, I need help!"  I found her holding the 2 yo boy while he stood in his crib with a leg covered with poop.  I got some "chucks" (like doggie pee pads for people) and the nurse.
     Just another day in paradise.

My votes for Best-Dressed on TV:
1) Emma, from Glee (FABULOUS cardigans...I'm even inspired to go buy some bright-beaded necklaces).
2) Jenna from 30 Rock (really great blouses and dresses).  Speaking of 30 Rock, I'm watching a lot of old eps today because I miss the show so much (but it's coming back next weeeek!).

(Oh, lord...also preparing to be on call on Sunday and Tuesday because I'm covering somebody.  UGGGGGHHH.)

I think it's great that even Oprah loves Journey.  I also think it's amazing that some random Fillipino guy has become their new lead singer through the power of Youtube.  However, I have one question...WHERE'S STEVE PERRY?!  What happened to him?!?

     Even despite Conan being banned from New Jersey (hey, I lived in Newark for 2 years, and everything he said is true), I must declare that Conan will always be welcome at my house!

     One of the nursing assistants liked my jacket and greeted me with a "Hello, teenager!"  It was pretty funny, but I also have one of those occupations where it's better to seem older than you are.  (And no, even though I'm pretty short, I am never told that I'm too young to be a doctor.)

     The Office wedding surpassed all of my expectations.  Dammit, I swore I wouldn't cry, but they got me!

Sorry I haven't updated in so long; I think my friends and I have all been in a blogging slump!
     I'm still loving Glee.  They featured a school production of Cabaret recently, which brought back my happiest high school memories (I played the piano for Cabaret in my sophomore year).  Which I guess explains why it appeals to me (and, I'm sure, other musical nerds) so much.  Yup, this show and "Waiting for Guffman" hit you right in the community-theater-heart.

     Oprah had a great episode with Chris Rock all about hair.  The world of weaves and wigs were already familiar to me thanks to America's Next Top Model (yes, I have learned something from that show).  It continues to amaze me how some women spend so much time on their hair, especially since I do so little (I'm a wash-and-wear girl). 
     I recently have changed my mind about dying your hair.  I used to think that it was a ridiculous waste of time and money, especially if you were going blond (the last thing the world needs is another blond).  However, if your hair is an ugly dishwater brown, go for it!  I've discovered that some people are just born with awful hair colors.  And if I go grey prematurely (not bloody likely), I'll be the first in line to dye it (it's a tragedy, like a man who starts balding in his twenties).
     My only critique of the Oprah episode is that she didn't discuss the current Asian craze of dying your hair brown (and its cultural implications); maybe in the next episode.

     I LOVE the new show Modern Family!  It reminds me of Arrested Development, not only because of the naturalistic way that it's shot and its quirky comedy, but also because it has been born fully-formed, like Athena (ha ha...I'm a little loopy right now).  Seriously, it doesn't even have the unevenness of a new show that's still trying to figure out its tone (something that even my beloved Glee is a victim of).  And it's gay friendly!  And I coo every time that Asian baby is onscreen (what is better than an Asian baby?).

     I really liked the movie Away We Go.  Rent it, I say!

     Watching Funny Girl right now.  As a gay man, can I say that Barbra was FABULOUS in this movie?  :)

     And here's the only bit of negativity for this post: First cold of the season (PLUS, my period at the exact same time---double whammy).  Ugh.  At least I got my flu shot already!

     I have decided: cooking meat is  my favorite smell in the world!  But, if I need something that would make a good candle, shampoo, or car deodorizer, oranges are #2.

I went to CVS recently and bought Fiber One cereal and stocked up on Odor Eaters (a MUST for the fall season, especially for all of my new boots).  It was essentially shouting: YO, CVS WORKER, I CAN'T SHIT AND I GOTS STINKY FEETS.
     Seriously, it's time for yet another round of what I call Operation: Colon Blow-Out.  I also tried a new brand: 365 HIGH FIBER Cereal.  They didn't even bother coming up with a clever name or gimmick; they were very direct... THIS'LL MAKE YOU POOP.

     I finally did it: I tried dark green nails at work.  Everyone else is wearing purple nail polish, and I got jealous.  I didn't get a single comment from my coworkers or patients.  So, now I have dark blue nails, which makes me happy (hey, I'm a simple woman).  One baby seemed particularly mesmerized by them (however, this was an African American baby, and maybe she had never touched such pale-skinned little hands before, either).  In fact, I got more comments when I painted my nails a perfectly normal pink: this old lady in ENT clinic kept cooing about how she envied my little pink nails.  It got to the point where I was thinking, "Lady, FOCUS!  Tell me about your sinuses!"

I am tearing through Mad Men DVDs (almost done with season 1).  Good golly, this is the most stylish TV show ever.  Even when dramatic, terrible things are happening, all I can think is, "That dress is FAB-U-LOUS."
     It also fulfills my handsome-men-in-suits needs.  I've noticed that Don has a beautiful (and secretly crazy) blond wife at home, but chooses challenging, independent brunettes for mistresses.  I can't even express how awesome that is (umm...not the adultery part, but the choosing part).

I had a blast celebrating the dreaded 2-8 (with 3-zero creepin' up)!
     First, my sis got me a reservation for Nobu!  It was not as fancy as I thought it would be (maybe we didn't go to the one that celebs go to?), but of course I had to pick the "fancy" omakase.  The first few dishes were a bit too salty, but then we got to the two highlights of the meal: the rock shrimp tempura (nuggets of pure, fried deliciousness) and the black bean cod.  They decorated my chocolate souffle with a well frosted "Happy Birthday, Doris!" but it was still just a standard souffle (some things can be delicious and still standard).  It was a lovely 8 course meal (tiny food!  Yay!), but nothing was really surprising or daring.  I thought it was much more traditional than Morimoto, especially the dessert.
     Then we went to Japas 38 for 3 hours straight of karaoke!  Al and Jess joined me, Amy, Molli, and some of Amy's pals.  Al and I have unpopular taste in music and proceeded to confuse everyone with a Connie Francis song ("Who's Connie Francis?!") and then bum everyone out with our old favorite, "Ben," the most touching song about a rat ever written.  We ran out of time for all of our favorites, but were overheard muttering, "touch myself, touch myself" (if you ever bump into Al, ask her about the "I Touch Myself" story; you'll thank me later) and something about "The Exciters."
     The next day, Al and Jess came over for a Beatles Rock Band marathon!  We beat the whole game (i.e. played every song)!  We only stopped to get a Five Guys burger and a specially ordered Fudgie the Whale from Carvel.  I had called in my request the week before because I wanted "It's maritime!" to be written on Fudgie (it's one of Al's and my corny mottos).  I totally expected it to be a Cake Wreck (misspelled, missing punctuation, etc), but it was done perfectly.  We even brought some joy to the lonely Carvel cashier; I think he was very bored and found our Fudgie inscription hilarious.  Al even helped me dismember Fudgie so that he would fit in my freezer (Phil and I had whale for dessert for a straight week).

     Watching ABDC, I realize that either of the top two dance crews could easily have their own Vegas show.  At least they would fit in in Vegas better than some country singer!!!

     How awesome was NPH hosting the Emmys (or is it Emmies)?  Who knew Doogie Howser would turn out so FABULOUS?!

I saw a baby in clinic with a big, ugly black birthmark on his forehead.  I thought to myself, "How unfortunate," and asked his mother if there were any recent changes in its shape or color.  It turns out that the mother, who is Bengali, purposefully drew on a birthmark with an eyebrow pencil!  It's similar to the Chinese custom of saying that your baby sucks so that the spirits won't try to take it (something that I've only read about, because Mom knows nothing about it; I guess when she insults me, it's genuine  :) 

     I've had to rent a car while I'm waiting to purchase a new one, which initially was exciting to me, but has only led to disappointment.  First of all, it has a built-in USB port for my iPod.  Awesome, right?  EXCEPT that it always plays the songs in some arbitrary order, starting with RuPaul's Supermodel (You Better Work) always at #1.  Oh, and a lot of Billy Joel.  Now, I don't have that much Billy Joel on my iPod, but this car insists on finding and playing his songs as much as possible.  So I guess my rental car is gay.  And has questionable taste.
     And it has really sensitive breaks.  But, it's pretty and dark blue, so I guess it all evens out.

     Phil and I wasted two hours of our lives watching the most infuriating National Geographic Channel (or "Nat Geo") specials.  Phil cynically guessed that the specials wouldn't have any medical answers for us; I remained optimistic and had faith in the "National Geographic" channel.  DON'T waste your time on the following:
1) The World's Smallest Girl - So this tiny Indian woman is so delicate that she broke her tibia/fibula walking down the stairs.  She finally went to a doctor, and when he examined her leg, it was all BENDY because her bones had healed poorly (mostly fibrosed).  So what was her disease, you ask?  WE'LL NEVER KNOW.  They tried ONCE to get blood, but since she was the size of a one year old (I think she was actually a teenager), it was difficult and they didn't get enough.  The parents were horrified that her daughter was in pain (Me: COME ON, it was a blood draw!!!  It doesn't hurt THAT much!) and decided to go to a spiritual healer instead (yeah, leaving that bendy leg the way it was, too).  ARGH! 
2) The Girl Who Cries Blood - This special followed a girl who randomly bleeds from her eyes and scalp for an HOUR.  Finally, a hematologist from America is shipped in to India; he wonders if the bleeding is self-induced or caused by her mother.
Me: What you need to do is videotape her 24/7.
The special ends with him deciding to videotape her.
     No answers!  National Geographic, COME ON!

EVERYONE on Top Chef this season has tattooes!  Even red-beard Santa (one of my faves, incidentally)!  I'm beginning to think that they give away free tats once you enroll in culinary school.  I had a devil of a time figuring out if that guy was gay or just French...or both.

EVERYONE on Glee can sing, even the Asian coach!  Even Jane Lynch has sang in A Mighty Wind.  I won't be satisfied until the guidance counselor and the principal break out in song!

The Bergen County library system is awesome.  All I have to do to order a CD is click a button on my computer and the CD is sent to my library for me to pick up!  The website says there's a limit to 3 requests per day, but I've been requesting a little more than that.  Finally, the last time I went, the librarian reminded me of the limit, very nicely, of course.  Well, I had to test the limits to see if I would get punished!  Oooh, I'm b-b-b-b-bad to the bone! 
    
     Phil and mom took me to Outback for dinner tonight.  The Huangs celebrate birthdays with class!

     Meanwhile, back at the hospital, I got a few "presents": 1) a visit from the younger baby of my Albanian family (yay!), 2) a newborn who was born with cocaine in her pee and had lost weight since her birth...along with her single mother (thankfully, NOT a teenager)!  Actually, both mom and baby had cocaine in their urine tests while in the NICU, but the mother was cleared by social work to take the baby home with her.  She did not seem like a coke addict at all, but the story still made me uneasy.  I figured out that the mom wasn't mixing the formula correctly and hopefully the baby will gain weight from now on (she'll have a weight check first thing next week).  Oy!
     In our family, we don't make a big deal out of birthdays, but I had the biggest urge to announce the special day to everyone, even my patients.  I decided it wasn't professional, but when I was sitting next to Dr. Z in our conference room, I gleefully announced it.  He said I shouldn't be working!  Isn't that funny?  As if adults actually take that day off!  I realize that at my age I'm not supposed to enjoy birthdays anymore!

     And on to my birthday present from Tyra Banks: America's Next Top Model: Short Girls edition (yup, just for me).  Is it just me or is this the dumbest bunch yet (and we're talking about models, so that's saying a lot)?  I guess when it comes to models, the inches you lose in height correlate directly with the IQ points you don't have.  And I certainly don't appreciate the Idiot Midget Funhouse, the constant implications that shorter girls are like children and/or cute li'l circus freaks, or Tyra's horrible French accent.
     Oh my gosh, why were the makeovers so boring this "le cycle?"  Why are the dresses so boring on Project Runway (which I'm watching right now)?

I was going to have a very boring, non-eventful Labor Day, when I received a random text from Marina inviting me to join her at Target.  Fun with a purpose!  Al and I love hanging out whilst we accomplish our errands.
     I met Marina at Target.  We both have been lusting after Bose ipod speakers for a while and I almost bought one (I didn't know Target had them!), but they only had the portable version, which was $100 more than the regular one.  I shall return some day.  Marina joked that maybe God didn't want me to spend that much money that day.
     A funny shirt in the boys' section caught my eye: it featured a many-eyed monster playing a guitar.  I thought it was cute, and lamented the fact that boys' clothing was so much cooler than girls' clothing.  Marina suggested I try on one of the larger sizes, which I hadn't even thought of doing.  And that's how I ended up buying a Shaun White tee shirt!
     We had special burgers at a Greek restaurant.  I had worked with a radiology resident who knew about Marina, but claimed he never met her.  I couldn't remember his name, but said, "He's really ugly."  Marina instantly knew who I was talking about!  Damn, you know a dude is ugly when his ugliness is his defining characteristic!
     Then I made the mistake of trying on a dress at Anthropologie.  The size 0 fit perfectly, except for some slack around the breastular region (and that, my friends, is why we have chicken cutlets).  Here it is:

Isn't it adorable?  Not worth $180, though.  Fuck them.  I'm never trying anything on there ever again.

     I had felt bad about leaving Mom alone, but when I got back home, she had left to go to her friend's house!

Even after the Ordeal of ordering DVR, Verizon continued to try to screw me over.
     The new box arrived, without any instruction manual.  Annoyed, I decided to try to install it myself anyway.  I mean, hey, I taught myself how to program the VCR at 8, I thought I could handle it.  Unfortunately, I could NOT unscrew the cables by myself!  I got pretty mad, but decided to wait until Phil was home.  I asked him to uninstall the old box, but then I got home post-call on Friday morning and discovered nothing had been done.  Mad as hell by this time, the new box having sat, unused, on the floor for a week now, I called Verizon in a rage.  The people on the phone are always nice, and the guy tried to convince me to ask a friend for help with unscrewing the cable; he was worried that I would have to pay an extra fee if someone was sent to my house.
     "I'll pay, whatever, just get someone over here!" I nearly shouted.  Luckily, he could send someone over the very next morning (thank goodness for Labor Day Weekend!).
     The next morning, a big black dude stopped by.  He easily unscrewed the cables with his bare hands, leaving me feeling chagrined initially.  However, thank goodness I got someone to come over, because the first box they sent me didn't work correctly!  He instantly got me a better box from his truck, and all ended well; I have already re-picked all my favorite channels and programmed my DVR for my favorite shows.
      While this was all happening, the Verizon Guy mentioned that the DVR was going to be "HDMI 1," the input channel to the TV.  I said something like, "Oh, right, because my Xbox is HDMI 2."
     "YOUR Xbox?  Did you say YOUR Xbox?" he said with disbelief.
     "Yeah, MY Xbox!  And those are MY guitars."
     We discussed Rock Band.  It turns out his daughter has Guitar Hero.  He said that GH had better songs, and I said, "I disagree."  He asked what level I played at, and I told him that I could play most songs on expert on the guitar, admitting that I was a level lower on the drums.  He didn't believe me because he never saw anyone play on expert in person, only on Youtube.  I admitted honestly that GH is a bit harder.  Still, he insisted on a demonstration.  I invited him to play with me, but he wanted to see me play first.  We were scrolling through the songs and I asked if he had any requests.
     "Wait, is that Spirit in The Sky?"
     For all of you that don't know, Spirit in The Sky is my least favorite song in RB.  Al often makes me play it and once even made me sing it; she thinks it's funny that I hate it.  And it turns out to be the song the Verizon Guy chooses!!!  Anyway, I played it on expert, and the Verizon Guy said, "I need to practice!  You play too much!"  (I didn't even tell him that Phil was even better than me!  I didn't want to completely blow his mind!)
     I realize this story would've been ten times as amusing if he had actually played Rock Band with me, but I guess he was awed by my skillz!

Addendum: I was watching Sunshine Cleaning last night, enjoying a perfectly nice movie, when guess what song starts playing over the end credits?!  Dammit, Allison!!!

Radiology is...interesting.  I can't imagine sitting in a dark room reading X-rays and CTs all day, but someone's gotta do it!  My attending is a cranky but funny old man who loves to complain about everything.  He wanted to show us a good radiology website online one day and couldn't figure out why it wasn't already in his favorites section.  He was doing it wrong, so I had to guide him through it.  As I was patiently showing him, I thought to myself, "So this is what it's like to have a grandpa!"

     Meanwhile, back at the hospital...
     One of my clinic patients had a kerion, a scalp ringworm gone bad.  The child had braids, and the mom said, "I think it's because the braids are too tight."  I took one look at the red lump covered with small pustules and said, "I don't think that's from the braids!"

     People are loving my boots!  Yay, fall fashion!

     MY CAR - my "check engine" light has been going on and off for months now.  It is now consistently on and has been for a few weeks.  I finally had time to take it to Honda.  They repeated something that my mechanic in Leonia had said; it's my transmission.  It would cost $3300 to replace!  I may end up getting a new car, which is sort of exciting, but also sort of dismaying, as I don't have enough money to pay for it all at one time.  We are going to get a third opinion, and Al has kindly offered her dad to go car shopping with me so that they don't try to Con the Stupid Little Woman (which would be me).  It's Rent-A-Dad!    

     I was going to do, I really was!  One of the Indian residents was wearing purple nail polish, which of course looked more subtle with her complexion.  I decided then and there to wear green nail polish to work, and to see what the reaction was like.  However, once I did my thumb, the green was so bright against my pale skin that I chickened out.  It's okay; I'll do fun colors on my toes.  I decided to make my fingernails look like ripe Bing cherries, instead.

     I highly recommend the new show, Glee.  It's sweet and funny and there is SINGING and DANCING in every episode!  I'm sure any gay man like myself will enjoy it!  :)

     Al and Jess were miraculously in Leonia and free for the night on Friday night.  I took Jess to Mo Fo, which she loved (oh, aren't I a good Asian friend?), and then we picked Al up and went to my house for some Rock Band!  Jess made an avatar named "Jez" (we kept a misspelling I entered by mistake), a lady with GRAY DREADLOCKS.  We even made an extremely lame band logo, featuring vacuous-looking animal heads being struck by lightning (don't ask).  Jess is improving by leaps and bounds, proving my theory that real musicians tend to pick up RB faster.  We can't wait until Beatles RB comes in two weekends!

     I love how all of this Beatlemania is going on this month!  It's as if the Beatles themselves are wishing me a happy 28th birthday!

Radiology
so much for conversation

Beautiful people

Beatles Anthology

Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Brick
Eternal Sunshine, too weird
widescreen or subtitles

True Blood

Birthday:
Fashion's night out
VH1 Behind the Music

Food critics are not fat
tiny food
I love tiny food!
Stomach the size of your fist

Superman on Chuck

Some asshole kept calling from area code 829
Lionel Ritchie

Love Happens.  Yeah, so does shit.

back cleavage
ear wax suctioning
communications breakdown
1) I know why you're here, you tell me in your words
2) cannot renew your meds, macedonian
3) ask for directions, know where you're going

Hobbit

lessons from Monsters in Me