Zama60

Random Stuff

2010-02-12T17:29:23Z

I never drive anywhere without my two favorite men, Lee and Oscar (my GPS and ipod, respectively). Yes, my GPS is set to "Australian male," which is hilarious.

     I guess I should explain the obsession Al and I have with Creature From The Black Lagoon. Just like most of our stupid obsessions, it began as an inside joke we ran into the ground. I happened to have this lame coloring book (come to think of it, I own a LOT of lame coloring books) called "Universal Monsters," which featured Frankenstein's monster, Bride of Frankenstein, Dracula, The Mummy, and Creature. Al decided to read the book to me, even though there were no words. There's this one picture of The Creature just standing in the middle of the page, arms outstretched. Al read it as, "I am the Creature from the Black Lagoon!" (this is, don't forget, the woman whose impression of Porky Pig consisted of the sentence, "I am a pig.")
     We love him because of that incident, the fact that he is "maritime," and the fact that he is undoubtedly the lamest monster of them all. I remember seeing his movie in 3-D in college; he doesn't even kill anyone!

     My dad's in town, and he bought The Record (go, Bergen County!). It has been years since I've laid hands on an actual Record. I went right to the comics page, where I found the nauseating Love Is and a very special Mary Worth wherein an old lady called another woman a "tramp." Needless to say, I was taken aback!

Fashion

2010-01-30T04:04:51Z

I was a little iffy about one of my outfits. I was wearing a gray sweater and black pants (very boring) because I wanted to wear my new patent red bow belt. I also wanted to wear my Batman boots (blue fake-suede).

However, I was afraid that it would be "too much look" as Tim Gunn would say; I usually limit myself to one "statement piece" per outfit. I got to work, and as soon as I walked in, two nurses starting cooing over my clothes, touching my belt and saying that I looked "perfect." My question is, how do I have these nurses permanently installed next to my mirror?

Some More Pet Peeves:
1) I hate it when everyone leans in for a photo and the person taking the photo (usually a waiter) decides to include the entire restaurant, making everyone look like cringing fools.
2) Non-yellow highlighters! ARGH!

Food Fantasies

2010-01-29T00:38:15Z

Sometimes when I am in the middle of my arduous commute across the GWB and Cross Bronx, I allow myself to think about which Au Bon Pain croissant I shall treat myself to (usually chocolate or cheese-raspberry). Then, when it is apparent that I'm going to be late due to three different accidents in a row along the side of the road, I can almost see the croissants flying away on little wings.

Jess took me to Clyde's (a "Maryland Institution" according to Molli), where I immediately noticed a sign advertising Trivia Night. "What do you win? FOOD?!" I nearly shouted. If only I could use my trivia skills to earn crab cakes! They could just throw them at me, like I was a trained seal. Will work for crab cakes!

This crazy lady is calling all the residents at home and trying to sell us disability insurance. I hate being bothered with work BS at home. I especially hate someone trying to sell me shit when I'm at home. Don't bother me! That's Willie's Time!

Okay, fine...Twilight.

2010-01-23T19:13:26Z

Welcome to Shitty Book Club!
     As I've written before, I don't really like vampires. Okay, so they're supposed to be the sexiest, most "glamorous" monsters around (what, no love for the Creature From The Black Lagoon?); I don't buy it. The only vampire I truly enjoy is Gary-Oldman-as-crucifix-burning-bat-monster.
     As the Twilight craze gripped America and teen girls were trampling each other to get a glimpse of that guy from Harry Potter, I couldn't resist my curiosity anymore. I read the first two books sometime last year; this feat would not have been accomplished if my friend, Heather, had not loaned them to me for FREE. I didn't spend any money and I didn't even have to lift a finger (i.e. actually walk 2 blocks to the local library) to obtain the books. Which is a good thing, because I felt "meh" about them and promptly forgot about them.
     But of course, the craze was inescapable. I couldn't read a crappy 'zine like People without a Twilight actors' abs being SHOVED in my face. I admit to renting the first movie on DVD and watching the second one in the theater (the movies are actually more tolerable than the books due to the relative lack of bad writing). Al and I were both complaining one day and discovered that we had done the same exact thing: read the first two books and thought very little of them. We decided to read the rest of them together. One of my hobbies is reading the endings of horror movies I'll never see online so that I know what happens. When I read what happens in the last book, I knew I had to read it to believe it (a wedding? A baby?!?). And so, here goes...

     Let me start with some praise...sort of. I do think that Stephenie Meyer has quite an imagination. An actual vampire romance, "vegetarian" vampires, American Indian werewolves...all interesting ideas. Of course, she loses points for that "sparkly vampire" stuff, but I can't call her a total hack. However, she is not a good writer.
     The third book is the worst book so far (as of writing this, I'm on page 120 of the last book, so maybe I'm being premature). For most of the book, virtually NOTHING happens, just a lot of dumb dialogue and an overwrought love triangle. Then, in the last 50 pages, a ton of horrible events occur, including limbs being ripped off and decapitations.
     And yet, even more horrifying was this subplot about an 18 year old girl being coerced into marrying her vampire boyfriend. Anyone who has thoughts like, "Eew, a wedding" is not mature enough to actually get married. Of course, as a modern "woman," Bella has conflicting emotions about being married so young, so that makes it okay. Um, not really.
     Looking at Edward through the "abusive boyfriend" prism also made it very creepy. Sure, he's just being very "protective" of his frail, human girlfriend! Every time Bella feared that he was "angry" at her, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. He's actually less of a character than a collection of ideals, so how romantic could this actually be? It's so far from a real relationship with a real person, Bella might as well be in love with a marble statue.
     Then we come to our "heroine," Bella, who has no personality or sense of humor. She's just this accident-prone blob with no discernable hobbies, interests, or talents. The only good things about her are that she's a good daughter who cooks for her father and that she smells like a deliciously grilled Prime Rib to her Perfect Vampire Boyfriend. I especially was exasperated at how she handled her Idiotic Love Triangle; yes, Bella, you acted like a total shit. Sorry, I don't care if a guy is your "best friend," you don't hold hands and cuddle with "just a friend." Especially if you have a Perfect Vampire Boyfriend waiting at home for you.

Side note: I do believe that "R Pattz" (ugh, sorry) should've been The Sexiest Man Alive This Year. It was his year. Even I can admit that he's cute and has AMAZING bone structure. I'm not as apathetic towards Johnny Depp as Al is, but seriously? What did he do this year? Did he start a teen girl riot at some mall?

Five Guys Named Maria

2010-01-23T19:08:17Z

     A coworker named Maria told me that all of her female family members are named Maria, but they have different middle names and go by those. Not to be culturally insensitive, but what's the point of naming everyone if everyone has the same name? Might as well number your kids.

     I braved Route 4 midday traffic last week to obtain a Five Guys burger. Wendy's and Burger King would both be closer, but these burgers are soooo good it was worth it. They give you a ton of fries in a cup (even for a "small"), and now I'm pretty sure that I can handle only a "little" burger by itself.
     For a few days afterwards, my Prius was haunted by the ghost of my burger. Even as a fried-food-enthusiast, I can admit that the smell left behind is like warm farts. Still, I'm sure five guys never smelled that good.

     In the winter, as soon as I get home from work, I put on a flannel pajama set. I'm a Woman of Leisure and I take my comfort and sleep very seriously. Sometimes it's funny, though, when I change out of my Work Pajamas (i.e. my scrubs) into my Home Pajamas; all Pajamas, all the time!

I Have to Get Better At This...

2010-01-14T02:50:39Z

Maybe my resolution this year should be to update my blog more often...
     Well, I've finally learned to enjoy Facebook. Still, I feel constrained by having to write smaller entries (i.e. I can't be as Verbose as I Wanna Be...yes, that was a Dennis Rodman reference). I kind of fell off the wagon at the end of last year and left tons of entries half-done and "unpublished." So, to get myself back in the groove, I shall share two small anecdotes...
1) I have always considered myself lucky to have parents who don't pester me to get married and have children. However, my mom recently made a request (a request, not a demand). She asked Phil (and then me, so that I wouldn't feel left out, ha ha) to give her a grandchild before she turns 70.
     "How much time does that give me?" I asked with resignation.
     Eight years (sorry, Mom, now everyone on Facebook knows)! And the countdown starts now...
2) Amy had just broken the news about the Taylor/Taylor split via text message, so I laughed and told one of the interns about how my sister and I shared stupid celeb news with each other. She asked how old Amy was, thinking that Amy was a TEEN or something!
     "She's OLDER than me!" I giggled.

Christmas 2009

2010-01-02T05:24:14Z

We were having a quiet Christmas at home when Al called suddenly. I went over her house and accomplished the following in a few efficient hours: 1) we inaugurated Al's new Wii, 2) I astounded everyone with my (virtual) bowling prowess, and 3) Al's mom's cookies YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY!
Later that night, we attempted long-distance Christmas karaoke with Amy (who was in Florida). The Skype delay made it unbearable, but at least we tried.

The next day, Heather, Zach, and River came over. I gave him his first art supplies (I know you're proud of me, Al!) AND brought him to East. 'Cause that's what Auntie Doris is all about: arts and crafts and sushi ALL THE TIME.

Then, I met with my high school peeps. As usual, the dinner was poorly planned, and no one knew which meal we had all agreed to (that is how we roll). Before dinner, Al came over and we played Rock Band for a bit, making sure to dress our avatars in Christmas outfits. Jess wanted to go to Mo Pho (I brought her there for the first time; I seriously should receive commissions from them), but when I called, no one answered the phone. We quickly switched to Armando's, and drove by an incredibly open Mo Pho. There was a torrent of miserable rain, but it was so good to see my girls again. In a hilarious turn of events, we figured out that all of us have chosen occupations protecting children...except Daphne. We have two teachers and someone on the Board of Ed, a lawyer specializing in child abuse cases, a pediatrician...and someone who referred to premature babies as "uncooked creatures" and her adorable niece as "It." (Ha ha, love you, Daphers!).

And, of course, the dinner conversation turned to Avatar (two thumbs up from Daphne), how Beyonce should write a song called Gold Diggin' Man, and how there should be a website for dating MDs (we thought it was an original idea, but I recently found a really sketchy web ad for something called doctormillionaire.com). We had lots of fun gossiping and giggling, and the next morning I woke up with ab muscle pain from laughing so much (I know...what abs?).

Swine Flu

2009-11-24T18:06:00Z

Yes, friends, I think I had the Swine Flu in November. Fortunately, I procrastinated on writing this post for so long that I have mostly forgotten how terrible it was. I do remember that on day three of my illness I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck and had to call in sick for the first time in 3 years. I had a high fever (I wish I had a working thermometer, because I so rarely get fevers) and such body aches that I roamed around the house aimlessly, moaning like a zombie. I had recovered enough to go to work the next day, but the next week in the ER was incredibly painful.

     Amy and I love Hulu. It's creepy but also funny how it spies on you and tries to give you advertisements aimed toward your "demographic." Molli gets a lot of computer commercials, Amy gets birth control ads, and I get commercial after commercial for Cheetos. Heh.

     I DVR Conan, and I swear my DVR purposefully refused to tape the Spencer/Heidi episode!

     Jon Bon Jovi is still a stone cold fox. Plus, he has great teeth.

Fish-Nerds

2009-11-19T03:17:00Z

I think it's a testament to my fish-nerdiness that my friend Sirisha actually apologized to me that she didn't go to the Lisbon Aquarium (they have a Mola!) while she was in Portugal. It's okay, S...I realize that normal people don't plan their vacations around trips to the aquarium (Al and I, on the other hand, usually don't go anywhere unless there are fish, animals, or gays)!

Halloween

2009-10-31T19:57:32Z

Is anyone else really disappointed in TV this season? Who's going to be America's Next Top Midget? Don't really care. Project Runway? Blaaaahhhh. Even 30 Rock kinda sucks. Top Chef is the only show that's currently generating any anticipation. I mean, Amy and I both think that Red Beard Santa will win and deserves to win, but I want to see if the Voltaggio brothers finally destroy each other in the end. Plus, will Jennifer recover?!

     It's a bad time to be a woman. You know how people complain that there aren't enough TV shows with female protagonists? Shows like Bad Girls, Bridezilla, Date This Slut, and Real, Useless, Rich Housewives of Various Regions are NOT the answer.

     Our answering machine has been inundated with pre-recorded calls about whom to vote for. It's funny to listen to two robots talking to each other.

     This Halloween, I have decided to be a good "adult" and stay home and hand out candy to the kinder. I woke up pretty late (2 PM!) to find that mom had already bought the candy (I was going to go to CVS myself). She bought Jujy Fruits! We are obviously dealing with an amateur! :)
     I slipped out to mail some Netflix movies, dressed as a woman who wears flip flops over white tube socks. At home, I've been getting less than one family per hour, but there were plenty of little costumed gangs on Broad Avenue.

THIS JUST IN

2009-10-22T00:05:23Z

I have arrived in DC! I left the house at 12 (I meant to leave at 10 AM, but I overslept due to being sleep-deprived for, I dunno, a MONTH) and arrived at 4PM. Four hours, no stops, and only a HALF tank of gas used. Go, Prius!

Go Ask Doris...

2009-10-17T23:51:43Z

C, one of the pediatric nurses on the inpatient floor, was walking around holding a book. She asked me if it belonged to anyone, because she wanted to give it to a patient. It was "Go Ask Alice," and I asked her if she knew what it was about. She didn't, so I said, "It's about a girl who's addicted to drugs!" (Actually, I have never read it, but the synopses I've read online are quite harrowing.) She laughed and was embarrassed and decided not to give the book to the patient (it might be a good cautionary tale, but it's not something you'd want to read while recuperating from appendicitis or something).
Jeez, where's Judy Blume when you need her?
Actually, I have no gauge for what the average preteen/teen should be reading. Harry Potter? I was such a dork that in middle school I was reading things like Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice.

Hey, Football-Eyes...

2009-10-17T22:21:52Z

I had a lovely time at the ophthalmologist office today (yes, I always have to think very hard when I spell that word).
     My mom actually recommended a doctor that she and dad had gone to. I was a bit skeptical, but then again, they took my insurance, so I decided to give him a try. I had always gone to optometrists before, but decided to go to a REAL doctor two years ago. I figured that my eyesight is SO bad that I needed to go to someone with an MD. I went to this old guy in Fort Lee and it was fine, except that he dismissed my complaint about my contacts not fitting all the time.
     This new guy was so much better. First of all, he had this really experienced technician who took most of my history and did some initial tests. Then, he even spent extra time finding the right prescription. I actually get a little nervous before going to the eye doctor (though not as nervous as I get before the dentist); I guess it has something to do with how pitiful my eyesight is. Plus, I get nervous about the whole "which one is better, 1 or 2?" because sometimes I just can't tell!
     Dr. B was great, truly an inspiration to me as a doctor-in-training. He answered all of my questions and explained everything. He even offered to help me find a better-fitting lens. He kept calling me a "myope" (meaning that I'm myopic), which made me giggle inside because I felt like a monster, like a cyclops or something. I have severe astigmatism, so he brought out the familiar "football-shaped eyes" analogy (I can hear you laughing at me, Al!), but it also turns out that my eyes are flatter than the usual astigmatic eye. So not only do I have football-shaped eyes, they are DEFLATED footballs. No wonder I suck at sports.
     He even explained something to me that had been bothering me for a long time: my friend D's mother recently developed retinal detachment and D told me that people with bad astigmatism are at an increased risk. Dr. B told me about it, unprompted, and told me which signs to look out for. PLUS, I didn't have to do that test where they puff air into your eyes, which always makes me feel like a rabbit in an experiment. Afterwards, I treated mom to lunch at East, which was down the road.
     Truly, a good time was had by all. WOW, new car and new contact lens prescription! Watch out world, I'm gonna be an even SAFER driver!

You are Reading...

2009-10-15T00:29:43Z

...the words written by a new owner of a dark blue 2010 PRIUS! I feel like LEONARDO DICAPRIO! Yeah, I'm bein' green and bangin' models every night. :)
Anyway, I have Mr. G (Al's dad) to thank for helping me figure out how to pay for the thing and just being there for the purchase (and also having connections) so that I wouldn't be "conned." I also have to thank my girl, Al, for renting her dad to me! It'll be ready within the next week and I'll be driving it to Maryland to test it out.
Baby's first car!!!

Scene from a Hospital

2009-10-10T23:20:33Z

We had just admitted a kid from the PICU, and I saw one of my interns go into his room. Then I heard, "Doris, I need help!" I found her holding the 2 yo boy while he stood in his crib with a leg covered with poop. I got some "chucks" (like doggie pee pads for people) and the nurse.
Just another day in paradise.

My votes for Best-Dressed on TV:
1) Emma, from Glee (FABULOUS cardigans...I'm even inspired to go buy some bright-beaded necklaces).
2) Jenna from 30 Rock (really great blouses and dresses). Speaking of 30 Rock, I'm watching a lot of old eps today because I miss the show so much (but it's coming back next weeeek!).

(Oh, lord...also preparing to be on call on Sunday and Tuesday because I'm covering somebody. UGGGGGHHH.)

Oprah loves Journey

2009-10-05T23:03:10Z

I think it's great that even Oprah loves Journey. I also think it's amazing that some random Fillipino guy has become their new lead singer through the power of Youtube. However, I have one question...WHERE'S STEVE PERRY?! What happened to him?!?

     Even despite Conan being banned from New Jersey (hey, I lived in Newark for 2 years, and everything he said is true), I must declare that Conan will always be welcome at my house!

     One of the nursing assistants liked my jacket and greeted me with a "Hello, teenager!" It was pretty funny, but I also have one of those occupations where it's better to seem older than you are. (And no, even though I'm pretty short, I am never told that I'm too young to be a doctor.)

     The Office wedding surpassed all of my expectations. Dammit, I swore I wouldn't cry, but they got me!

MEAT.

2009-10-01T01:54:16Z

Sorry I haven't updated in so long; I think my friends and I have all been in a blogging slump!
     I'm still loving Glee. They featured a school production of Cabaret recently, which brought back my happiest high school memories (I played the piano for Cabaret in my sophomore year). Which I guess explains why it appeals to me (and, I'm sure, other musical nerds) so much. Yup, this show and "Waiting for Guffman" hit you right in the community-theater-heart.

     Oprah had a great episode with Chris Rock all about hair. The world of weaves and wigs were already familiar to me thanks to America's Next Top Model (yes, I have learned something from that show). It continues to amaze me how some women spend so much time on their hair, especially since I do so little (I'm a wash-and-wear girl).
     I recently have changed my mind about dying your hair. I used to think that it was a ridiculous waste of time and money, especially if you were going blond (the last thing the world needs is another blond). However, if your hair is an ugly dishwater brown, go for it! I've discovered that some people are just born with awful hair colors. And if I go grey prematurely (not bloody likely), I'll be the first in line to dye it (it's a tragedy, like a man who starts balding in his twenties).
     My only critique of the Oprah episode is that she didn't discuss the current Asian craze of dying your hair brown (and its cultural implications); maybe in the next episode.

     I LOVE the new show Modern Family! It reminds me of Arrested Development, not only because of the naturalistic way that it's shot and its quirky comedy, but also because it has been born fully-formed, like Athena (ha ha...I'm a little loopy right now). Seriously, it doesn't even have the unevenness of a new show that's still trying to figure out its tone (something that even my beloved Glee is a victim of). And it's gay friendly! And I coo every time that Asian baby is onscreen (what is better than an Asian baby?).

     I really liked the movie Away We Go. Rent it, I say!

     Watching Funny Girl right now. As a gay man, can I say that Barbra was FABULOUS in this movie? :)

     And here's the only bit of negativity for this post: First cold of the season (PLUS, my period at the exact same time---double whammy). Ugh. At least I got my flu shot already!

     I have decided: cooking meat is my favorite smell in the world! But, if I need something that would make a good candle, shampoo, or car deodorizer, oranges are #2.

Stinky Feets

2009-09-29T01:57:31Z

I went to CVS recently and bought Fiber One cereal and stocked up on Odor Eaters (a MUST for the fall season, especially for all of my new boots). It was essentially shouting: YO, CVS WORKER, I CAN'T SHIT AND I GOTS STINKY FEETS.
Seriously, it's time for yet another round of what I call Operation: Colon Blow-Out. I also tried a new brand: 365 HIGH FIBER Cereal. They didn't even bother coming up with a clever name or gimmick; they were very direct... THIS'LL MAKE YOU POOP.

I finally did it: I tried dark green nails at work. Everyone else is wearing purple nail polish, and I got jealous. I didn't get a single comment from my coworkers or patients. So, now I have dark blue nails, which makes me happy (hey, I'm a simple woman). One baby seemed particularly mesmerized by them (however, this was an African American baby, and maybe she had never touched such pale-skinned little hands before, either). In fact, I got more comments when I painted my nails a perfectly normal pink: this old lady in ENT clinic kept cooing about how she envied my little pink nails. It got to the point where I was thinking, "Lady, FOCUS! Tell me about your sinuses!"

Mad Men

2009-09-23T00:12:26Z

I am tearing through Mad Men DVDs (almost done with season 1). Good golly, this is the most stylish TV show ever. Even when dramatic, terrible things are happening, all I can think is, "That dress is FAB-U-LOUS."
It also fulfills my handsome-men-in-suits needs. I've noticed that Don has a beautiful (and secretly crazy) blond wife at home, but chooses challenging, independent brunettes for mistresses. I can't even express how awesome that is (umm...not the adultery part, but the choosing part).

28th Birthday Weekend!

2009-09-21T01:50:12Z

I had a blast celebrating the dreaded 2-8 (with 3-zero creepin' up)!
     First, my sis got me a reservation for Nobu! It was not as fancy as I thought it would be (maybe we didn't go to the one that celebs go to?), but of course I had to pick the "fancy" omakase. The first few dishes were a bit too salty, but then we got to the two highlights of the meal: the rock shrimp tempura (nuggets of pure, fried deliciousness) and the black bean cod. They decorated my chocolate souffle with a well frosted "Happy Birthday, Doris!" but it was still just a standard souffle (some things can be delicious and still standard). It was a lovely 8 course meal (tiny food! Yay!), but nothing was really surprising or daring. I thought it was much more traditional than Morimoto, especially the dessert.
     Then we went to Japas 38 for 3 hours straight of karaoke! Al and Jess joined me, Amy, Molli, and some of Amy's pals. Al and I have unpopular taste in music and proceeded to confuse everyone with a Connie Francis song ("Who's Connie Francis?!") and then bum everyone out with our old favorite, "Ben," the most touching song about a rat ever written. We ran out of time for all of our favorites, but were overheard muttering, "touch myself, touch myself" (if you ever bump into Al, ask her about the "I Touch Myself" story; you'll thank me later) and something about "The Exciters."
     The next day, Al and Jess came over for a Beatles Rock Band marathon! We beat the whole game (i.e. played every song)! We only stopped to get a Five Guys burger and a specially ordered Fudgie the Whale from Carvel. I had called in my request the week before because I wanted "It's maritime!" to be written on Fudgie (it's one of Al's and my corny mottos). I totally expected it to be a Cake Wreck (misspelled, missing punctuation, etc), but it was done perfectly. We even brought some joy to the lonely Carvel cashier; I think he was very bored and found our Fudgie inscription hilarious. Al even helped me dismember Fudgie so that he would fit in my freezer (Phil and I had whale for dessert for a straight week).

     Watching ABDC, I realize that either of the top two dance crews could easily have their own Vegas show. At least they would fit in in Vegas better than some country singer!!!

     How awesome was NPH hosting the Emmys (or is it Emmies)? Who knew Doogie Howser would turn out so FABULOUS?!

Some Disappointments

2009-09-17T23:51:16Z

I saw a baby in clinic with a big, ugly black birthmark on his forehead. I thought to myself, "How unfortunate," and asked his mother if there were any recent changes in its shape or color. It turns out that the mother, who is Bengali, purposefully drew on a birthmark with an eyebrow pencil! It's similar to the Chinese custom of saying that your baby sucks so that the spirits won't try to take it (something that I've only read about, because Mom knows nothing about it; I guess when she insults me, it's genuine :)

     I've had to rent a car while I'm waiting to purchase a new one, which initially was exciting to me, but has only led to disappointment. First of all, it has a built-in USB port for my iPod. Awesome, right? EXCEPT that it always plays the songs in some arbitrary order, starting with RuPaul's Supermodel (You Better Work) always at #1. Oh, and a lot of Billy Joel. Now, I don't have that much Billy Joel on my iPod, but this car insists on finding and playing his songs as much as possible. So I guess my rental car is gay. And has questionable taste.
     And it has really sensitive breaks. But, it's pretty and dark blue, so I guess it all evens out.

     Phil and I wasted two hours of our lives watching the most infuriating National Geographic Channel (or "Nat Geo") specials. Phil cynically guessed that the specials wouldn't have any medical answers for us; I remained optimistic and had faith in the "National Geographic" channel. DON'T waste your time on the following:
1) The World's Smallest Girl - So this tiny Indian woman is so delicate that she broke her tibia/fibula walking down the stairs. She finally went to a doctor, and when he examined her leg, it was all BENDY because her bones had healed poorly (mostly fibrosed). So what was her disease, you ask? WE'LL NEVER KNOW. They tried ONCE to get blood, but since she was the size of a one year old (I think she was actually a teenager), it was difficult and they didn't get enough. The parents were horrified that her daughter was in pain (Me: COME ON, it was a blood draw!!! It doesn't hurt THAT much!) and decided to go to a spiritual healer instead (yeah, leaving that bendy leg the way it was, too). ARGH!
2) The Girl Who Cries Blood - This special followed a girl who randomly bleeds from her eyes and scalp for an HOUR. Finally, a hematologist from America is shipped in to India; he wonders if the bleeding is self-induced or caused by her mother.
Me: What you need to do is videotape her 24/7.
The special ends with him deciding to videotape her.
     No answers! National Geographic, COME ON!

TV Excitement

2009-09-17T03:33:57Z

EVERYONE on Top Chef this season has tattooes! Even red-beard Santa (one of my faves, incidentally)! I'm beginning to think that they give away free tats once you enroll in culinary school. I had a devil of a time figuring out if that guy was gay or just French...or both.

EVERYONE on Glee can sing, even the Asian coach! Even Jane Lynch has sang in A Mighty Wind. I won't be satisfied until the guidance counselor and the principal break out in song!

Rebel!

2009-09-10T01:35:18Z

The Bergen County library system is awesome. All I have to do to order a CD is click a button on my computer and the CD is sent to my library for me to pick up! The website says there's a limit to 3 requests per day, but I've been requesting a little more than that. Finally, the last time I went, the librarian reminded me of the limit, very nicely, of course. Well, I had to test the limits to see if I would get punished! Oooh, I'm b-b-b-b-bad to the bone!

     Phil and mom took me to Outback for dinner tonight. The Huangs celebrate birthdays with class!

     Meanwhile, back at the hospital, I got a few "presents": 1) a visit from the younger baby of my Albanian family (yay!), 2) a newborn who was born with cocaine in her pee and had lost weight since her birth...along with her single mother (thankfully, NOT a teenager)! Actually, both mom and baby had cocaine in their urine tests while in the NICU, but the mother was cleared by social work to take the baby home with her. She did not seem like a coke addict at all, but the story still made me uneasy. I figured out that the mom wasn't mixing the formula correctly and hopefully the baby will gain weight from now on (she'll have a weight check first thing next week). Oy!
     In our family, we don't make a big deal out of birthdays, but I had the biggest urge to announce the special day to everyone, even my patients. I decided it wasn't professional, but when I was sitting next to Dr. Z in our conference room, I gleefully announced it. He said I shouldn't be working! Isn't that funny? As if adults actually take that day off! I realize that at my age I'm not supposed to enjoy birthdays anymore!

     And on to my birthday present from Tyra Banks: America's Next Top Model: Short Girls edition (yup, just for me). Is it just me or is this the dumbest bunch yet (and we're talking about models, so that's saying a lot)? I guess when it comes to models, the inches you lose in height correlate directly with the IQ points you don't have. And I certainly don't appreciate the Idiot Midget Funhouse, the constant implications that shorter girls are like children and/or cute li'l circus freaks, or Tyra's horrible French accent.
     Oh my gosh, why were the makeovers so boring this "le cycle?" Why are the dresses so boring on Project Runway (which I'm watching right now)?

Labor Day with Marina

2009-09-08T02:56:54Z

I was going to have a very boring, non-eventful Labor Day, when I received a random text from Marina inviting me to join her at Target. Fun with a purpose! Al and I love hanging out whilst we accomplish our errands.
     I met Marina at Target. We both have been lusting after Bose ipod speakers for a while and I almost bought one (I didn't know Target had them!), but they only had the portable version, which was $100 more than the regular one. I shall return some day. Marina joked that maybe God didn't want me to spend that much money that day.
     A funny shirt in the boys' section caught my eye: it featured a many-eyed monster playing a guitar. I thought it was cute, and lamented the fact that boys' clothing was so much cooler than girls' clothing. Marina suggested I try on one of the larger sizes, which I hadn't even thought of doing. And that's how I ended up buying a Shaun White tee shirt!
     We had special burgers at a Greek restaurant. I had worked with a radiology resident who knew about Marina, but claimed he never met her. I couldn't remember his name, but said, "He's really ugly." Marina instantly knew who I was talking about! Damn, you know a dude is ugly when his ugliness is his defining characteristic!
     Then I made the mistake of trying on a dress at Anthropologie. The size 0 fit perfectly, except for some slack around the breastular region (and that, my friends, is why we have chicken cutlets). Here it is:

Isn't it adorable? Not worth $180, though. Fuck them. I'm never trying anything on there ever again.

     I had felt bad about leaving Mom alone, but when I got back home, she had left to go to her friend's house!

Verizon Adventure

2009-09-05T14:56:49Z

Even after the Ordeal of ordering DVR, Verizon continued to try to screw me over.
     The new box arrived, without any instruction manual. Annoyed, I decided to try to install it myself anyway. I mean, hey, I taught myself how to program the VCR at 8, I thought I could handle it. Unfortunately, I could NOT unscrew the cables by myself! I got pretty mad, but decided to wait until Phil was home. I asked him to uninstall the old box, but then I got home post-call on Friday morning and discovered nothing had been done. Mad as hell by this time, the new box having sat, unused, on the floor for a week now, I called Verizon in a rage. The people on the phone are always nice, and the guy tried to convince me to ask a friend for help with unscrewing the cable; he was worried that I would have to pay an extra fee if someone was sent to my house.
     "I'll pay, whatever, just get someone over here!" I nearly shouted. Luckily, he could send someone over the very next morning (thank goodness for Labor Day Weekend!).
     The next morning, a big black dude stopped by. He easily unscrewed the cables with his bare hands, leaving me feeling chagrined initially. However, thank goodness I got someone to come over, because the first box they sent me didn't work correctly! He instantly got me a better box from his truck, and all ended well; I have already re-picked all my favorite channels and programmed my DVR for my favorite shows.
      While this was all happening, the Verizon Guy mentioned that the DVR was going to be "HDMI 1," the input channel to the TV. I said something like, "Oh, right, because my Xbox is HDMI 2."
     "YOUR Xbox? Did you say YOUR Xbox?" he said with disbelief.
     "Yeah, MY Xbox! And those are MY guitars."
     We discussed Rock Band. It turns out his daughter has Guitar Hero. He said that GH had better songs, and I said, "I disagree." He asked what level I played at, and I told him that I could play most songs on expert on the guitar, admitting that I was a level lower on the drums. He didn't believe me because he never saw anyone play on expert in person, only on Youtube. I admitted honestly that GH is a bit harder. Still, he insisted on a demonstration. I invited him to play with me, but he wanted to see me play first. We were scrolling through the songs and I asked if he had any requests.
     "Wait, is that Spirit in The Sky?"
     For all of you that don't know, Spirit in The Sky is my least favorite song in RB. Al often makes me play it and once even made me sing it; she thinks it's funny that I hate it. And it turns out to be the song the Verizon Guy chooses!!! Anyway, I played it on expert, and the Verizon Guy said, "I need to practice! You play too much!" (I didn't even tell him that Phil was even better than me! I didn't want to completely blow his mind!)
     I realize this story would've been ten times as amusing if he had actually played Rock Band with me, but I guess he was awed by my skillz!

Addendum: I was watching Sunshine Cleaning last night, enjoying a perfectly nice movie, when guess what song starts playing over the end credits?! Dammit, Allison!!!