...the words written by a new owner of a dark blue 2010 PRIUS!  I feel like LEONARDO DICAPRIO!  Yeah, I'm bein' green and bangin' models every night.  :)
     Anyway, I have Mr. G (Al's dad) to thank for helping me figure out how to pay for the thing and just being there for the purchase (and also having connections) so that I wouldn't be "conned."  I also have to thank my girl, Al, for renting her dad to me!  It'll be ready within the next week and I'll be driving it to Maryland to test it out.
     Baby's first car!!!

Al's mom invited me over and made stuffed shells just for me!  How sweet is that?!  Things like this really make me feel like Al's husband.  :)  They were a belated graduation gift, although in another year I will be graduating from another institution.  Plus, they count as an early b-day present, too.  Anyway, stuffed shells will always have a special place in my heart, as they were my first Italian pasta experience (besides mom's meat sauce).  I had them on a plane (to Disneyworld?) and fell in love.  No one makes 'em like Al's mom! 
     I have decided to try Mad Men.  I'm surprised it took so long, as I 1) love the 60s, and 2) watch AMC regularly.  I guess it doesn't look very funny, but to quote Liz Lemon, "There's handsomeness involved."
     The Allison Challenge: think of things that Al doesn't like (that most people like)!  Bonus points for foods she doesn't like, as I have known Al for two decades and have never seen her try a new food and say, "I don't like that" (meanwhile, I have perfected the art of spitting something out into my napkin).  I even introduced her to jellyfish skin recently, which I imagine to be quite an acquired taste.  So far, we have: Johnny Depp, broccoli rabe, raw oysters, and black licorice (but eww, who likes that shit?).

     John Edwards - The Jude Law of politics.  How stupid are these assholes?  First of all, when you're in the public eye, they WILL find out about an affair.  Second of all, you're MIDDLE AGED!  You have children!  Don't tell me you DON'T know how birth control works!  Whoever is stupid enough to knock up their mistress deserves to pay outrageous child support.  Add on a Stupidity Tax, too. 

     Happy, um, death, Elvis!  (I currently have Girls, Girls, Girls! on in the background, and texted Al at work to tell her I was watching "Girls x 3.")

I'm with Nigel here: I wanted Janette to win.  And she gets kicked off before Bull Neck and the Albino!?!  Ellen didn't add anything; all she did was crack jokes.  Judges need to...you know...judge.  Katie Holmes' performance just made me think, "I miss Judy."

     I almost yelled at a mom recently.  She was in heme/onc clinic because her baby had an incidental finding on an ultrasound, an area in his liver that is probably a hemangioma, an abnormal mass of blood vessels.  The mom also brought her 7 yo twins with her, who were all over the computer keyboard and translator phone set.
essentially, SHUT UP

hysterical 4 yo; usually 3 and up gets a lot easier
This kid wouldn't even play with me
I almost wanted to say, "Come on...man up."

long earrings

I was sleeping peacefully when Amy and Molli came home at around 2 AM.  Suddenly, I heard the sound of metal clanging and someone hurled herself into my room like a heat-seeking missile.  Someone fat, furry, and stinky jumped into my bed.  It was Petunia!  Her new metal collar is quite loud!
     On Saturday night, Amy, Molli, and I had dinner at Morimoto.  Amy's friend mentioned that he had met Morimoto twice and that all we had to do was ask if he was there.  As we got ready, I had to decide whether to put on eye makeup or not (I am notoriously bad at applying my own eye makeup).
Me: I don't feel like it.
Amy: But we might meet Morimoto.
Me: GET ME THAT EYE MAKEUP!
(Is it sad that he's the only man I'm excited to meet these days?  Yup, it probably is.)
     I had the hamachi shovel platter and the chirashi bowl.  I even saved some miso soup for Al (Al loves her some miso!).  I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, Amy said, randomly, "DORIS, I must take your picture in front of that wall."  I was weirded out, but complied.  It turns out that Alton Brown (from Food Networks' "Good Eats") was behind the glass wall, eating with his family (sorry, Mr. Brown, we meant no disrespect)!!!  Molli saw him with her eagle eye; Amy and I would probably have never seen him with our bad eyes.
     We had asked our waitress if we could say hello to Morimoto.  We espied his ponytail from afar, but then she told us that he disappeared into his office and would probably not come out.  Now that Alton Brown was there, I figured he had to come out to say hello to his friend!  Maybe the waitress invited Alton Brown as bait.
     He indeed did come out and our resourceful waitress caught him for us, telling him it was Amy's birthday.  He wished Amy a happy birthday.  Then he put his left arm around me and his right arm around Amy and we posed for a photo with Molli.  Amy became very emotional and cried after he left!  Best birthday present ever!
     Then, we went to Cibar for drinks, which is very close to one of Mario Batali's restaurants.  Amy suggested that we drop by just to see if we could find the THIRD famous chef of the night!
     Al met us there and as we struggled to talk above the ambient music, I saw a man come in and connect his ipod to a laptop. 
Me: Oh no, is that a DJ?
     Al made fun of the obvious fear and contempt in my voice.  I just didn't want more noise in the room!  And yes, I do think that DJs are kind of douche-y.  I said it, OKAY?!  Al and I were starting to go hoarse from talking over music, so we left and shopped in the Forever 21 at Union Square.  Al revealed to me that she hates layering shirts!
     The next morning, Amy, Molli, and I went to "Stupefy," our favorite Thai restaurant in Queens.  On the way there, I decided to try to translate what was written on the side of a building: Jesucristo es el Senor.
Me: Jesus Christ is...the Mister?
     I essentially invited myself over to Amy's friend R's house to see his shiba inu (SO cute!  I want one so bad!!!).  Finally, that night we went to see Phil in New Brunswick and celebrated his 23rd birthday at Ichi Umi, a fabulous Asian buffet.  It was the best seafood/sushi buffet I've ever been to!

"What kind of music do you like" is always a hard question to answer.  The easy answer is "pop and rock."  Mostly, I like a good melody.  I'm also a big fan of the 3-minute pop song; only a few people are allowed to have five minute plus songs (Radiohead, Queen, GNR...Meatloaf).  I don't like "jamming," which usually seems overindulgent to me.  There's nothing wrong with being short and sweet; there's nothing wrong with being catchy.

     I recently sent Amy Rachel Zoe's Must Have items from EW.com; it contained all those luxury, designer items that she loves.  Amy noticed that the "comments" were harsh.  I also have heard that they are going to tone down the SATC movie because Carrie has to be frugal now.  Yes, it is a recession, but who's to say we can't use a little fantasy in our lives, too?  Wasn't L'il Orphan Annie created during the Depression?

     I guess I have to chime in about this Jon and Kate business.  Yes, it's a shame.  Yes, I probably wouldn't want to be married to her, either, but boy, what a classy replacement you chose.  Anyway, I think we've had enough.  I think the public has ruined those kids' lives enough already and it's time to go away now.

     Dear Ryan Reynolds: you must have worked very hard to create such lovely abs.  I just wish they weren't SHOVED in my face all the time!!!

This morning, we had a powerpoint lecture on ass worms (okay, "nematodes").  When the presenter asked us where to find pinworm eggs, I almost shouted, "Around the butthole!" but decided against it.  Included in the lecture were many pictures of prolapsed rectums and assholes exploding with worms.  The lecturer even had endoscopic footage of colons with worms crawling in them.  We saw slides of lungs filled with worms, livers filled with worms, and ultrasounds of gallbladders filled with worms.  It was a great, fascinating lecture and I saw the best footage of parasitic worms I've ever seen.  It also was the worst thing ever.  But I still was able to polish off a free mini bagel while recoiling in horror for a straight hour.  I was going to post a disgusting picture from the internet to help illustrate my story, but I think my audience is rather sensitive and wouldn't appreciate it! 
     In defense of residents - I've heard many people say they would never go to a teaching hospital.  Okay, med students and beginner residents can sometimes be clumsy and might not get the vein on the first try, but don't dismiss us so easily!  The med students are very detailed and have hours to spend talking to you about everything.  And we residents are there for you long after the attending has gone home.  My hero, Dr. Z, says that he never suggests that people go to the chairmen (or chairwomen) of the department because they don't have time to do any follow up.  It might result in worse care.  So before you demand "the best," think things through a bit.    

     I'm beginning to recognize the cashiers at my Wendy's drive through.  No, I don't have a problem.  I had the new fish sandwich today.  It was good, but whenever I have a fish sandwich, I sit there yearning for a burger instead.
     Ah, the wonders of E News Daily.  It's painfully obvious that Ryan and Guiliana hate each other; it's not just "joshing around."  It also amuses me when they read barely coherent celeb quotes with the same dramatic enunciation that you would reserve for a nightly newscast.
Amy: Is that Star Wars? (re: a Star Trek commercial)
     I have to admit, Star Trek looks fun!  I'm not even a Star Trek fan.  The only episode I've ever watched was the one with the Gorn, just because my Stupid Ex-Roommate was watching it.  It was enjoyable, but mostly because of the Gorn's shimmery halter top and Gay Caesar.
     Seth Rogen as a blob = strangely adorable.

When I'm on call on the inpatient floor, I have to sleep in a very old, gross call room.  The air conditioner (or, I guess, the room itself) exacerbates my allergies and the place always smells like rotting banana peels.  Across the hall is probably an even older bathroom.  It has three stalls, one of them lacking a door (it probably was a shower previously).  I'm not sure who was brave enough to sit on a toilet in plain sight.  Last night, I discovered that they finally put a door on that stall!  We have so much to be thankful for!

     Madama Butterfly was wonderful, even though it kept me up too late and I was incredibly zonked the next day at work.  Anthony Minghella did a wonderful job and the soprano was so good that I forgot that I was watching a fat white lady instead of a 15 year old Asian girl.  As usual, it was just me amongst the oldsters.  The old couple next to me obviously knew nothing about the opera.
Old Man: I bet he comes back in the end.  (I think they were hoping for a happy ending)
     You could tell who was familiar with the opera because newbies only cried at the end whereas the people who knew what was going to happen cried through the whole thing (i.e. me).  The most heartbreaking parts are when Butterfly thinks she'll be happy in the future (Un Bel Di) but you know that she won't be.
     The preview for the Met Opera auditions documentary and next season made me giddy with anticipation.  Tosca!  Aida!  Turandot!  Carmen!  Opera goodness!
     Mom and I went to Jersey Gardens on my one day off (Saturday).  I bought more tank tops and flower hair clips for my hair AND one pair of Ann-Margret shorts (tight white shorts like the ones she wears in Viva Las Vegas).  How many times must I declare it?  I AM READY FOR SPRING, DAMMIT.
      Paul Rudd is so cute and funny.  Can I have one like that to marry?  Plus, he is comfortable with being a gay straight guy.  Homophobia is a deal breaker for me.  I love the gays.  I watch TV like a gay man (lots of E, Bravo, and VH1).  Case in point: Amy and I are currently watching RuPaul's Drag Race.  We have learned all about "tucking" and "lip synching for your life."
Mom: (takes one look at all the queens on screen) These are men, huh?  (in Chinese)

This just in: the Rock can sing!  And he's comfortable with his own masculinity!  JT stopped by randomly, and his gf, Jessica Biel, did a pretty good impression Jessica Rabbit impression (well, the dress did most of the work, but what a great Halloween costume).  And the real Macgyver, Richard Dean Anderson, stopped by!  And the episode was funny!  Amazing!

On Being Flat-Chested
     While we were shopping in Pal Park, I found something called a Dodo Bra, which consisted of those plastic, chicken fillet fake boobs.  It was so funny, because my nickname is Dodo and if anyone needs fake boobs, it is me.  My milkshake doesn't exactly bring the boys to the yard.  I really don't mind except when dresses don't fit well.  Plus, I'm all woman below the waist; I got back.  :)

I stupidly, in a post-call daze, left a bag of Trader Joe's Turkey Jerky on the coffee table.  I came home to find the wrapper in a thousand pieces on the living room floor.  Petunia was not even a tiny bit guilty.
     Then I had a dream that I was feeding her miniature chocolate icecream bars.  She choked and I had to use the Heimlich Maneuver on her.  Her diet is even stressing ME out!!!
     I know that your dreams are usually boring to other people, but this one has to be shared.  I dreamt that I worked for Prince (yes, THAT Prince, the TAFKAP one) in his office building.  I headed to work and found the building to be strangely empty.  Suddenly, Prince opened the doors to a large ballroom and said, "Welcome to my party."  I went to the food table and found delicious brocolli sundaes, where the brocolli was sweet and went well with icecream!  Analyze that one, Freud!
     Mom's friend brought her a bag of something called "Almond Fish."  Now, dried fish is a standard Chinese snack, so I assumed that it was a special kind of fish called the Almond Fish.  Molli, in disgust, pointed out that it was tiny dried fish mixed with shredded almonds!!!  I tried it with Mom and said, "I don't like the almonds" (the fish were fine, though).
     (Yes, dried fish do give you heinous breath, but they can't compare to dried cuttlefish, which I actually enjoy.  Still, PEE-UUUU!)

Britney always has the worst covers for her CDs.  They always look amateurish and awkward.  Can't she afford better photographers/designers? 

I have greatly enjoyed Amy's temporary subscription to People Magazine, even though I think it's a mag written for morons and is not trashy enough for Amy's tastes.  The highlight of my week is receiving it on Thursday and writing rude comments in it before Amy gets home from work that night.  Imagine my delight when the Sexiest Man Alive issue arrived with my favorite singing-dancing-Wolverine-playing-good-natured-Australian Hugh Jackman was on the cover!
     I have always enjoyed the Most Beautiful People issue, even though I think the photography has gone downhill in recent years.  I'm not sure if I've ever gotten to read a whole Sexy Man issue before (I do, however, enjoy "Men's Health" and the "Sexy Man" article in In Style).  I enjoyed it thoroughly, even though I'm going to make fun of it a little.
     Flashy: Hugh's "pictorial" (makes him sound like a centerfold) is highly recommended.  As a general trend, 40 seems to be a male "sexiness" peak.  "Sexy at Every Age" featured some surprise favorites like Will Arnett, Paul Rudd, Viggo (at 50!!!), and Sting (you go, Sting...I like to sing your songs on Rock Band because we have the same range).  There was also "The 21 Club" for younger guys like Zac Efron (Mom's favorite), a pity vote for the silent Jonas Brother, and the totally gay guy from Gossip Girl (oh, c'mon...you're gay.  Come on out already!).  I also enjoyed blurbs about Javier Bardem (I'm sure my friend, Sirisha, would approve), Jim from The Office, Christian Bale (Sexiest Batman Alive!), Tim Daly, and Mike Rowe.  I also credit People with throwing in Random Asian dudes, including an actor and Lang Lang, the concert pianist (do you know who I've noticed recently?  The guy in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and the guy in House of Flying Daggers---meow!).  Also featured: Amy's hetero-crush, Becks (we looked desperately for a picture of one of his junk-revealing underwear ads to show to mom).  Also sexy?  The ad for the movie trivia game Scene It for Xbox (the only thing in the magazine that I can hope to attain!).
     Trashy: Idiotic themes like "More Sexy Bearded Guys," which was only redeemed by the inclusion of Justin Timberlake (who probably should get rid of the beard!).  Another theme, "Sexy A-Z," was stretching it, and included such shockers as Gordon Ramsay (probably a great chef and supposedly a good person in private, but who wants a crazy guy with a bad temper yelling at them?), Todd Palin, and The Royal Ginger, Prince Harry.  "Then and Wow" had Joshua Jackson (not cute, pathologically boyish) and the Old Men on the Block (excuse me, New Kids on the Block).  There was also the usual People crap, including 2 pages of sheer idiocy: a spread about how Brangelina's babies wear each others' hand me downs (no SHIT, People!).  There were also way too many cologne ads, and a page about how piping is once again fashionable (ha ha, Amy HATES piping!).
     Somewhere in between: "Sexy Scents" had some scratch 'n' sniff fun.  Al and I found it amusing, Molli found it repulsive (well, lesbians wouldn't be expected to want to smell men).  We got to smell Taye Diggs' enormous breasteses and Michael Phelps' chest (he's very interesting and an amazing athlete, but definitely funny-looking in a Fragile X sort of way...plus, he should've smelled like chlorine).  Daniel Craig was in the issue, but it was a terrible picture of him.  Jack Black was one of the few men to comment on another sexy man Robert Downey Jr (someone's got a man-crush!).  McConaughey was there, of course, and even though I find his lack of intelligence very unsexy, they included a picture of him with a SHIRT on!  (BTW, I couldn't spell his name and needed to copy it from the magazine).  Lance Bass was in the "Sexy Blonds" section (SO not handsome), but at least there were gays there (also NPH!).  And of course, there was Mario Lopez, who is very cute but definitely a Man Whore.
     Allison came over and got to enjoy the magazine as well.  Her favorite part?  Nearly completing the "SecondLook" section, where you have to find subtle differences between two pictures, this one featuring Elton John in a tutu (Sexiest Old Gay Rock Star in a Tutu).

EW also put out a "50 Sexiest Movies" list.  It was sort of wack!
     Flashy: The Notebook (even though it was cheesy and Rachel McAdams' character was obnoxious, this movie was surprisingly hot), Out of Sight, Notorious, and my personal favorite, Unfaithful (this movie is AWESOME).
     Trashy: King Kong?  300??  Titanic???
     M'eh: Cruel Intentions (okay, a guilty pleasure.  Plus, I remember going to see it in the theater with Daphne and Marina in high school.  When the sex scene between Reese and Ryan was onscreen, Marina turned to me and said, "I liked that!"), In The Mood For Love (the qipao were beautiful, but how come everyone enjoyed this one more than I did?), and Once (LOVED the movie, but did not find it sexy at all).

Pop Culture Interlude: Daniel Craig has a brutish-looking face, but even Amy has to admit that he's hot.  I'm really excited about having a Quantum of Solace later this year.  Plus, he LOVES being naked!  I think I must have commented on this before (I think that male nudity, as a topic, warrants frequent comments), but I saw this interesting movie called "Enduring Love" where he's being stalked by a psychotic man who thinks he's in love with him.  He has this scene where he's standing in front of a sink in only his undies and his junk is pretty visible.  Then, E News kept showing a scene from a very crappy-looking movie of his where he's truly naked.  He LOVES being naked!
     Harry Potter has admitted that he's pretty-short and therefore easily missed in a crowd.  Oh, innocent Harry...in Hollywood, you're supposed to pretend you're much taller than you are, like Tom Cruise.  Now he'll join the Short Guy Club with Seth Green and Elijah Wood!

On Sunday, before lunch, we headed to Beard Papa and Parisienne to get cream puffs and a green tea cake.  I really love the strawberry cream puffs, but they are elusive and only sold on certain days.  I admitted that I enjoy fake strawberry flavor more than I enjoy real strawberries (I even hate "bits" of strawberry in my icecream).  Molli likes fake banana flavor but not real bananas.
     We went to a truly excellent (and CHEAP!) Vietnamese restaurant Pho Thanh Haoi in Jersey City.  I had a mini beef pho and bo luc lac, my favorites!  Amy's friend, the Asian woman who was adopted by Caucasians, was there and I had yet another opportunity to marvel at how ignorant she was about Asian food.  I don't even think that she likes any of it!  "My white friends like Asian food more than her!" I exclaimed (not in her presence, of course).  This ridiculous family at the next table decided to get their nails painted!  This very, very short woman ("Is that a midget or a little girl?  I can't tell," I said crudely) painted her friends' nails; her friends looked very haughty and bored, as if this happens all the time.  The nail polish stank up the restaurant.  I was outraged, and told everyone at my table about it, pointed, and gave them a lot of dirty looks.  "Who DOES that?" I asked loudly.  Alas, I'm just not obnoxious enough at this passive-aggression; I don't think they noticed my campaign against them!
     But seriously...who DOES that?!?

I read this out loud to Amy in a bad Belgian accent; she insisted that I put it in my blog.
From imdb.com: Action man Jean-claude Van Damme is convinced the only reason one of his beloved pet dogs is still alive is because of prayer and comfort.

The animal-loving actor scrapped a series of publicity appearances for his new movie Jcvd to spent time with his pooch, Scarface, rather than chat about his new film.

And he believes his efforts kept his canine companion alive.

He tells Details magazine, "He had a stroke. I talked to him in his ear, and I prayed because I believe in forces. Now he's doing fine."

Scarface is one of many stray dogs Van Damme has saved.

He adds, "I see dogs on the street, and I adopt them. I took seven dogs from Thailand, and a few of them are paralysed. One has three paws instead of four. One is limping, so we bought him a wheelchair.

"I spent my own money to fly them back by private jet. In commercial, they can have heart attacks because of stress - it's dark and icy cold.

"I love animals. I have nine dogs and a kitty. My biggest orgasm - not in a sexual way - is to walk with my dogs on the beach. In Belgium we have these wide sidewalks. You feel like you're on the Planet Moon, and I can make them feel like movie stars."

The Wii's vagina keeps glowing.  Do you think it wants me to play?
When fat people lose weight, they still have fat-face and look unbalanced.  I wonder if you can do face muscle exercises?  Actually, you'd probably need to do "face cardio."

     I've begun to jog with Petunia on her afternoon walks.  We do at least one block before she becomes winded or has to stop to pee.
     I like my Trader Joe's Ice Floes so much that I will put on my housecoat (faux fur jacket) so I won't get cold(er) when I eat them!

     I'm sorry, but I have to say something about Miley Cyrus.  First of all, there is already something wrong with this country if People magazine has a whole section about who Miley and the Jonas Bros are dating.  I reiterate: they are all idiot children!  None of this means anything!  HOWEVER, a 15 yo girl dating a 20 yo man is wrong.  I'm sure they claim that they're good abstaining Christians, but if they're not, it IS statuatory rape.  Would you let your 15 yo daughter date a college guy?  I don't care if she earns bazillions and works like a dog; she's still a kid.  Plus, Amy makes a good point: Why would a 20 yo want to date a 15 yo?  She might not even be fully developed.  So gross.
     On the same note, the movie Big disturbs me greatly.  I think it's horrible how he tells his mother that he's been kidnapped.  And yes, his girlfriend begins as a woman who sleeps her way up the corporate ladder and ends up a pedophile!  If you walked into a guy's apartment and he had children's bunkbeds and a trampoline, wouldn't you think that he was either mentally retarded or a serial killer?  But hey, that giant piano scene is so gosh darn fun!

My parking woes continue.  Today, I didn't enter the correct makeshift parking cone lane, so I had to back out twice (already revealing my spatial judgment deficit).  I had to back out and straighten like 10 times into the spot, with all the teenage parking attendants telling me "Ma'am...can you park closer to that car?  You're really crooked.  Okay, turn the wheel that way...okay, then this way..."  So frickin' embarrassing!  Not only is this difficult for me, but I get 10 times worse with people watching me, especially when I'm late for clinic!!!  These parking attendants should park for me!  It's the only way they'll improve my life!
     On the way home, I found myself battling the Cerebral Palsy bus!  There was a cerebral palsy bus following an ambulance as we drove out of the hospital.  The ambulance was making a left, so I assumed the bus was following.  I waited, but there was no signal and no veering into the left lane, so I drove in after the ambulance.  The CP bus makes the left from the middle lane, but VEERS suddenly into left-most lane in front of me.  It was actually scary.  Then, it cuts in front of me once again, not signaling, during a merge that it did not expect.  Finally, we get to the Bronx River Parkway, and it signals to get in front of me!  "NO WAY!" I scream, pushing down the gas pedal.  I sped away.  The only thing that prevented me from honking and flipping the bird was the thought that there were probably a few kids with cerebral palsy in that bus!
    
     I love 30 Rock; I'm watching season 2 on DVD now.  I really identify with Liz Lemon.  Not only is she one of the rare female nerds on TV, she's also a homebody and a loser!  And I see myself in her!!!
     I'm interested in that movie The Changeling, even though Amy and I think that Angelina's facial features are overwhelming when there is both dark mascara AND bright, red lipstick on her face (the same thing applies to Anne Hathaway)!  Still, I'll give Clint Eastwood yet another chance to rip my heart to shreds (I was so tense during Mystic River that I don't know if I'll ever want to see it again).
     Forgetting Sarah Marshall was okay.  I did enjoy scenes from her fictitious tv show where Billy Baldwin was doing his best David Caruso imitation (spouting a horrible pun while taking off/putting on sunglasses).
     Here's a fun list from EW: www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20199443,00.html  Looking at it, I realize that A) I like Jennifer Garner, but she kind of has the body of a drag queen, and B) there's a lot more male near-nudity on TV these days...and I applaud it!

I laughed so hard at this that my mother yelled at me to, "BE QUIET!"
www.jeremyenke.com/category/fun-stuff/karl-jefferson/
(Scroll down...the porn for women is cute, but it's below that)

     And Guy Ritchie, Ryan Phillippe, Dan Castellaneta, Joe Perry, Roger Maris, and Colin Firth!
     I had what I hope will be the suckiest birthday on record (which means it could get a lot worse).  It got better at the end, too.  Still, I know it's stupid to expect your birthday to be some magical day better than the rest, but you don't expect it to be worse than usual.  I guess it was frustrating because my expectations were idiotic.
     It all started with me thinking that I forgot my phone because I left it in my backpack instead of in my purse as usual.  I drove all the way to monte and had to use the valet double-parking service as usual (their parking garages are so packed that it gets filled up by 8 AM, so then they start a second layer of double-parking).  We learn about epilepsy for an hour as usual.  Then, out of nowhere, our attending wants to meet back at Jacobi!  This has never happened before.  It is hugely inconvenient for everyone; at least I have a car.  Everyone who doesn't have a car would be stuck taking the shuttle, which comes less than once an hour.  I take three "refugees" with me.  I drop them off at Jacobi and drive into the parking lot.  I have NEVER seen the parking lot so crowded.  I pay for parking out of my paycheck, so I better be guaranteed parking!  I circle around for nearly 30  minutes in my own damn workplace!  I'm going back and forth between the two parking lots; the second one is so packed that people have started parking on the lawn again.  I finally make my own spot.  I also realize, afterwards, of course, that because there are barely any parking lines, there was actually plenty of room for another row.  Oh, what I would do for lines!  I'd paint them myself!  By now, I'm already mad as hell.  We round as usual.
     FASCINATING Medical Interruption: we had a 15 yo boy who had chronic sinusitis that developed into an abscess on his forehead...which ate into his bone (osteomyelitis) and then into his brain (brain abscess)!  So he has this lump of pus on his forehead and a lump of pus in his brain.  He just felt tired and had a headache for a month, and only went to the doctor when the lump on his forehead got big (the radiologist jokingly called it a "unicorn")!  Luckily, they drained the pus and he should recover, but HOLY SHIT!  He had a big afro, and they had to shave the front of it to get the pus out, so now he's bald and stitched in the front, like a derranged clown.
     Anyway, I write a note on the aforementioned kid and go to lunch.  I told R, the other resident doing the elective with me, to meet at 1:30 in the lobby so we could drive to yet another different site.  I'm waiting there for 10 minutes and of course he didn't call because he thought I didn't have my phone.  Frustrated beyond belief, I try to call the NICU where his patient is, and couldn't even get an operator (very unusual)!  I finally left, feeling guilty that I was leaving him behind, yet knowing that if I waited a second longer, I'd be late.  I got to Dr. SP's clinic and was a few minutes late.  It was a pretty good afternoon, as I saw many interesting patients.  At 5, Dr. SP wanted us all to sit down and talk!  While I love that he teaches, he does tend to talk forever and ever and ever.  Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.  I stood up, told him it was my birthday and that I had a reservation, and he smiled and let me go.  It was a bit disrespectful, but he likes me ("Joisey!") and I can get away with it.  On the way back, I couldn't find an entrance to the FDR from the Cross Bronx, so I went home, changed quickly, and then drove to the restaurant, where there was a nice, cheap garage across the street.
     We went to Sushi of Gari, Amy's fave Japanese place.  We had really good fried oysters.  I had the omakase, a collection of sushi selected by the chefs.  Our waiter was very cute, a tan man with gelled, spiked hair.  Amy and I thought he was a Hispanic gay guy.  Then he spoke, and it was obvious that he was Japanese because of his accent and the fact that he seemed so grateful for every word that fell out of my mouth.  He asked me what foods I didn't like, and we quickly decided against spinach and octopus ("No vegetables and no chewy!" he summed up).  I should've said, "no spicy!"  The omakase was interesting, featuring many very fishy pieces I've never had before (he asked me how I felt about mackerel...it was probably mackerel).  I'm glad I tried some new things, but I still want to go back just to have simple salmon pieces!  Some highlights included the foie gras sushi ("It tastes like beef fat!" I exclaimed happily), the sushi topped with green salad and lotus root, and the salmon (wasn't crazy about the combo of salmon and tomato, which surprised Amy).  We saw someone else get a birthday cake while the waiters sang and birthday music played.  Amy told our waiter it was my birthday, too, and he was like, "Oh.  Okay."  We made plans to find dessert no matter what happened.  Finally, he brought over a piece of cake with no singing, thank goodness (maybe you have to call ahead for that).  Amy thought it was cheesecake at first, but it was really 20-layer crepe cake!  It was absolutely delicious.
     We then went to Crumbs, but they ran out of the bite-size sampler and the big cupcakes were the size of muffins; with my full belly, they looked overwhelming, so I left empty-handed (but full-bellied!).  We dropped off the library book that was due on my bday, but the library was closing and I couldn't pick up my new one.  I guess the last two are questionable episodes of bad luck (stupid timing, really).
     Then I got the sad news that Al won't be at this weekend's festivities!
     Now I have to get used to saying that I'm 27!

I went for a haircut today at Hair Magic, where they give me truly magical haircuts.  Sue, the main hairdresser, always wears dramatic, glossy black outfits and glossy black pumps.  She even has perfectly manicured, glossy black nails!  I waltzed in wearing an orange and white striped shirt, with my nearly fluorescent tokidoki purse and my toenails painted blue and silver and gold, like so much clown vomit (Sue seemed to like my outfit; she said "cute dress")!  I was worried that the salon wasn't doing well because I'm usually the only one there, but there were already 3 other Korean peeps there, making me feel more confident that I will have many more magical haircuts in the future!  An older Korean lady had her hair in what appeared to be two miniature sleeping bags.  I have to admit: the first thing that came to mind was that she looked like Jabba's dancing alien slave girl in The Return of the Jedi (nerd alert)!
     I had to request more layering.  I know the cut's not done until she uses the magical layering scissors.  She appears to cut in the middle of my hair, but the scissor doesn't cut all the way through, it just layers. 

     Things sure have changed when it comes to celeb babies.  The way things used to be (I know, I sound quite elderly), you would wonder what celeb kids looked like until they were grown up and working on their own, like Kate Hudson (Kate, your movies suck but you're so cute!).  "People" actually has a whole section called "Babies '08" (I wrote in Amy's copy, "This is seriously a section?").  I feel bad for the tykes, but Amy and I do discuss them a lot.  So far, we've decided Shiloh is the cutest.  If a girl isn't too cute, we say she "looks like her father," which is unfortunate and often true!

     I've decided, after watching Superman Returns for like the 30th time (we have free HBO for a month), that Kate Bosworth didn't do such a bad job after all.  I don't know why, I don't think Lois would have long, wavy hair.  And I feel like she should have been meaner (I like the cartoon Lois; what a bitch!), but she's actually pretty bitter and not poorly acted at all.
     There's a lot of debate about what is the Greatest Superhero Movie Ever.  I love Batman and Spider-man was fun.  I even have a soft spot in my heart for Superman II (ZOD), but I think THE INCREDIBLES is the best superhero movie ever!  It's CGI and they're not established superheroes, but what other movie has such fun with it?  What other movie examines so many aspects of the superhero?

     I was hankering for some fried chicken.  My mom called (while I was having my hair cut), saying that she got some food in Chinatown but wasn't sure I'd like it.  She comes home and is like, "Oh, I forgot...I got fried chicken."  Whoo-hoo!  It's like she read my mind!
Mom: Don't eat the skin!
Me: NO!  (while eating the skin)
Birthday week is getting off to a nice start!